Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
