The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
