i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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