i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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