If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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