bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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