So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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