Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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