saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
