hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
