He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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