My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
