Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
