I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
