the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
