its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
tonight lets celebrate not being married
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize