so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
