I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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