When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
