just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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