Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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