guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
