evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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