Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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