so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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