Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You can't motorboat a personality
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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