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Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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