carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize