I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
