I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
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