I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
