Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
