so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
