she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
