she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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