i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
