I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
