So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
