Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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