Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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