I wish i was in the wii world.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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