ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
