Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
