If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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