If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
