I just pynch a tree in the face
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
BRING THE BAGELS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
