so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
