Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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