There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
