he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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