I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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