i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
