I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
