Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
