So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
