I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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