I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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