separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
