also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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