Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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