there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
