I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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