I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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