we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
