Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The power of my boobs compel you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
