I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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