By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
