I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
